In the last few months, the concept of god has taken a back seat and the search for a purpose, for even something as trivial as purpose has taken the front seat. When I was writing the previous post called as The provider of purpose, I undertook an experiment. I tried to live a life without the purpose as defined by someone else. The end result is just that life is not life without a purpose. It can be something as simple as keeping oneself occupied at points in time, or something as profound as keeping oneself happy at all times, one needs a purpose of some kind or the other.
This post is not something that is strictly going to talk about the functionalities of religion. It is something more personal and therefore much more free flowing. It was during the period of religion-lessness that I thought about the reason behind this blog. I confessed at the start that I am an atheist, with belief in reason. Agreed, but then there are many atheists out there who are satisfied with being one. Why do I have to go and try to discuss god. Well, I guess the reason is the one thing that separates me from most of humanity is the belief in god and I wanted to see the logical reasoning behind it. However, that is not the complete truth. If one sees the structuring of the posts in this blog, they seem to be an outright effort to convince the people that their belief in something bigger than themselves can be explained by reasoning it out. Once a person knows what something is and how it evolved, then they lose the fear of that particular thing, and then it stops being mysterious. I guess that one would agree that if religion does not have its mystery then it cannot exist in its current form.
I wish that was the sole reason. I would be lying if it was. There is a more ulterior motive. I want to believe in something more powerful than I am. I am not sure that I can handle the responsibility of running my life. I would like to know something is in control of what I am doing, and will clear the mess if I (pardon my French) screw up.
How do I plan to do this by being an atheist? Well I don't. The only way that I can have that super-powerful god's protection is if I were a practicing theist. How does one, whose belief in god was broken due to belief in something more powerful, science, get back his belief in god? The answer is by trying to disprove the existence of god.
The question I am sure you are thinking is how can one want to disprove god and then still say that they want to be a theist. The answer is very simple. As any scientist, or any person who has done studies on religion, be it in the field of philosophy, evolution, or just plain theology will tell you, one cannot possible disprove the existence of a god. No matter what one does to disprove his existence, they will come to an impasse. This is a place where god can exist or he cannot exist and neither alternative does not make a difference to the path of the future. The simplest one that I can think of is the period before the Big Bang. If god did exist before the Big Bang, we have no way of proving or disproving it because time as a point of reference before the bang does not matter. Time as we know it today starts at the point of the Big Bang.
Since I cannot possibly prove that god does not exist, therefore by simple negation, if god does not 'not exist' then he could exist. Ergo, I am not an atheist. This is something I am sure that I am going to end up at. However, till that day comes, I shall be a staunch atheist, doing my bit for the improvement of my life.
